Has Your Relationship Lost Its Spark?
You’d better do something about it! Have your marriage back on track by Valentine’s Day by following these tips, in no particular order.
Make your partner feel special
Sometimes relationships start to flounder because no one feels important anymore. Make your partner feel like they’re special to you, the way they used to feel when the relationship was new – the way YOU used to feel when the relationship was new. If you can rekindle that spark, you’ll be on your way to a future together, not apart.
Try sparking a memory – a positive memory. Take your wife on a little outing to the place where you proposed to her. Make a date out of it, have some dinner; maybe some wine. Try going to the place where you had your first date. Do something that reminds you of the strong emotions you once had for each other. Remember why you fell in love in the first place.
Keep The Respect
People are always going to have disagreements. It isn’t possible to live with someone and not disagree from time to time, whether it’s your spouse, your parents, siblings, or a roommate. No two people see ey
e to eye 100% of the time. It’s important to remember this and not feel like you’re failing when you disagree about something.
Fighting is inevitable but remember to always be respectful. You can disagree without being mean, rude, or hurtful. When someone feels disrespected, they tend to either be nasty right back or put up defenses which may include a wall that blocks the other person out emotionally. If this has already happened in your relationship, try sitting down and having an adult conversation about it. This is sometimes easier said than done at this stage, but make an effort. Tell him/her that you realize the mistakes you have made and that you want to make things better.
Let go of your pride and just say that you’re sorry for the mistakes you have made, the way things have turned out, the things you have said – whatever. If you’re willing to try and make things better, tell the other person how you feel. Apologizing and accepting responsibility for things going wrong is a big step in the right direction. If you accept responsibility for things, your partner is likely to see that they need to do the same. Eventually…
Don’t Place Blame
When you’re apologizing, don’t make it about how they have done you wrong, what they have said to you, or how they have hurt you. Everyone knows that relationships and their outcomes are a two-way street, but for now just apologize on your own behalf.
Remember that you have been preparing for this apology, and it may take your spouse some time to prepare theirs. Don’t make them feel bad for not apologizing when you do. Once you start changing your behavior and, most notably, your reactions, your spouse is very likely to change theirs, as well.
Don’t Let A Fight Break Out
Maybe you’ve reached a point in your relationship where you fight about everything, or maybe you’ve passed that stage altogether.
This might be a cheesy example but if you can look at that person and say, “I don’t want to fight, I just want to love you”, do you think they would think twice about why you’re fighting? Probably! People get feeling defensive and offensive but when you can convince them you’ve dropped your sword, they will probably drop their shield.
I am also posting a short 2 minute video I saw recently titled “How Can I Make Your Day Better?” It will be at the bottom of this post and it’s worth watching! Addendum – this video was deleted but I found a bad copy of it which is now below.
Go make some new memories. Maybe it’s been a little too long and things have gone stale. Do something that you used to do together that you both really enjoyed, or find something completely new to try.
Take a road trip, go on vacation somewhere, go zip-lining, go wine tasting, go camping, boating, be tourists for a day in your own city. Find something meaningful and memorable that you will both enjoy. Then, do it again!
I hope these tips have helped you figure out what you could do to strengthen your relationship. Leave a comment if you have any other tips to add, questions to ask, or other ideas about relationship fixes. Watch this short video!